I just celebrated my 30 something b-day last november 30. It's my 3rd b-day that i am not hearing very very well as in not hearing anything except for very loud sounds.
i can still remember that day, 4 months before my b-day that was when i suddenly lost my hearing... =(. i just woke up form an afternoon nap when i noticed that my hearing is getting fainter and fainter, iwas calling my little boy who was 2 years old then, then all of a sudden i cant hear my voice anymore... i was cring soooo hard, crying my heart out went into my room and cried louder there, calling my daddy (i call my husband daddy). My son was standing beside the bed, hugging me and kissing me, although he didnt know what was going on, why i was crying, he just stood there hugging and kissing me. then he would go out of the room for a while to look for his daddy, and come back to me again and do the same thing. When my husband came to me and asked what happened, two of us were crying, we just stayed in the room crying. Such a very sad experience...
We went to a specialist to ask what happened and what can be done, had me ct scanned, to check if i got tumor, then we went on soliciting for my ear surgery... there were a few people who were kind enough to give help to me and I am very very thankful to them, the Lord will repay them for what they gave us, my husband even told me that he would donate his hearing, if it can be donated while crying. so i had surgery 3 days before my b-day for one ear only. it went okay even though i was scared to go through it, but i know i have to, to see if i had tumor or not. Thank God there was no tumor but i benefited so very little from the operation because i still havent got my hearing back. Never went for another ear surgery, i just felt like its not yet time for it, money wise and emotionally wise.
It's been more than two years... two years of constant praying to God that I'm gonna hear again, two years of going through life as a deaf person. I have experienced a lot, i admit that there were times that i want to give up. But then I have to go on, I've got two kids and i want to see them grow up. There are still a lot that i want to accomplish, to see, to have, to do...
I believe with all my heart, God knows it, that I'm still gonna hear again, God has a purpose,
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28
I heard a pastor once said in his sermon "God heals so we can serve Him." it just hit me... where can i serve God more? by being deaf or when i can hear? i still dont understand, but then He is God, He knows everything. I believe that I am stronger than what i think i am for, God knows my streangth and He knows i can take this, so i should believe in myself in what i can do whether hearing or not. If it is in this way that god can use me more then, that's it, but i will keep on praying for my hearing again.
I will never stop praying for my hearing... i so very much wanted to hear again, to learn new songs of praise and worship, to hear my children's voice (sniff...) to hear my husband tells me he loves me, to hear christmas songs (many of my favorite songs are Christmas songs), to hear people when they are talking to, most of all i so very much wanted to hear my little boy's voice again (sniff... sniff...).
In this experience i've learned a lot and made many friends, all of you, if i wasnt HOH (Hard Of Hearing):
I wouldn't have stayed on the net for long periods of times and share whatever God wanted me to share, i wouldnt have known you all people;
I wouldn't have known how it feels to have a sudden loss of something you sometimes take for granted;
I wouldn't have known how mean some people (when you are different from them) and how kind other people are (there are more kind people than mean people in this world - want you all to know that);
I wouldn't have known and felt how it feels like to be disabled;
I wouldn't have understsood the real meaning of humility.
This what i tell myself. Never give up, never lose hope, never waver in your faith. Walk by faith and remember, you are here today and have what you got right now its because of His grace... only by grace. Everything's gonna be ok, everything will end up right...
... For He is faithful that promised.
pls. pray for me also, thank you.
